Shame, guilt, nuisance….things I shouldn’t feel…..

October 19, 2017

I am dealing with a spectrum of emotions right now with so many women coming forward regarding their abuse.

McKayla Maroney just came forward with her stories of abuse.  I follow Dominique Moceanu on Instagram and Twitter.  I have always been a huge fan of her gymnastics, and I have admired her courage by being true to her voice and story, especially when she received such backlash from telling the truth.

I can relate.  Even now, as I start blogging about my experiences, I feel a sense of guilt, shame, and a of being a nuisance.  When I was in college, I learned to have a voice, and another student and I spoke about our professor who harassed us, stalked us, and was inappropriate with us.  We were told to be quiet, that we were causing a scene, and that we were the problem for not finding a  way to deal with it on our own.  We were trying to deal with it……….by reaching out to authorities, who then demeaned us by brushing us off and hushing us.  It is a damn shame and crime that women, especially young women are made to feel guilt about speaking up for what is right.  I was told that my professor brought a lot of money to the school, and then asked what I brought? Is this statement alone not a form of abuse (neglect, denial)? I am 39, and I still feel like I am going to be punished, not believed, made to be felt like I am a trouble maker because I am speaking out.  This has to stop.  The assaulted should never feel like this.  I don’t know Dominique Moceanu or her husband, Mike Canales, but they seem like they support each other in an amazingly healthy way.  I applaud their commitment to the truth by maintaining their authenticity.  If the USAG had listened to Dominique in the first place, perhaps more abuse could have ceased.  If my college would have listened to me, perhaps, more young women wouldn’t have had to continue to be harassed for years to come.

We “normal” people won’t receive validation or feel listented to by society or by the press.  We won’t have a community of support and people immedidatly trying to make changes.  So many perpatrators will go unrevealed and under the radar.  This makes me angry.  “Normal” people don’t have as much leverage or a platform.  We have some, but it’s not the same.

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